Last summer, during my first exciting (and challenging) reading of “The Lord of the Rings”, I stumbled upon a quote that still resonates with me, months later, filling me with awe. It served as a poignant reminder of how Grace can unexpectedly manifest in our lives and how Truth can be uncovered in the myriad expressions of human action where genuine Beauty is cultivated.
I found myself immersed in the part of the book where Frodo embarks on the final leg of his journey through the treacherous land of Mordor. In a solemn and moving encounter, the hobbit bids farewell to Faramir, extolling the value of friendship capable of transforming even the darkest evil into profound goodness:
"The hobbits bowed low. ‘Most gracious host,’ said Frodo, ‘it was said to me by Elrond Halfelven that I should find friendship upon the way, secret and unlooked for. Certainly I looked for no such friendship as you have shown. To have found it turns evil to great good.’".
(The Two Towers, VII. Journey to the Cross-Roads).
- ... that I should find friendship upon the way ...
The adventure of the Fellowship of the Ring is a good parable for our life journeys. We can envision ourselves as recipients of Elrond's mission, tasked with pursuing goodness for ourselves and others. Simultaneously, we know from the outset that we will also have to face the dangers outside us and the attraction of evil within us.
However, the thought that our life is also a path on which we are destined to experience friendship perhaps often eludes us. Yet, just as Frodo had to rely on his friends for his quest, we, as Christians, cannot envision fulfilling our lives without embracing the gift of friendship.
At the beginning of the Christian life is God's sending us with the promise that along the way we will learn to know true love, if only we remain faithful to Him. None of us knows from the beginning what this love that God sets as the goal of our existence actually is. Likewise, the realisation of our moral life is something that is only built up over time.
In this realisation of the good, and therefore of happiness, friendship does not play an ancillary part. This was already conceived by Aristotle, who considered friendship among the virtuous a necessary condition for leading a good and beautiful life, which for him coincided with happiness. As Dean Cocking writes reflecting on Aristotelian ethics: ‘It is through our shared activity in ideal friendship that virtue and the moral life are generated and developed’.
If this was already true for the pagan Aristotle, it is all the more true for us Christians who know that we exist as such only in the great communion with other people that we call “Church”. The promise of discovering friendship along the way transcends mere solace; it becomes an indispensable aspect of Christian identity and a catalyst for enduring happiness.
- ...secret and unlooked for...
Friendship often appears secret and unlooked for in our lives for at least two reasons.
Firstly, meaningful friendships may emerge during our darkest moments, providing a new spring of hope when all seems lost. I think that this has happened to many of us and that it is not just a coincidence. Certainly, behind such a saving event there is God's Providence.
But there is also something more from the human point of view. Being in difficulty allows us to get out of that comfort zone we all try to build in our lives. When everything seems to be going well, we are sometimes disinclined to open up to new people. It is only when our certainties are broken that we (finally!) open our hearts and really make room for the new angels the Lord sends us.
This brings us to the second reason why I think friendship has something secret and unexpected about it, namely the fact that every true friend is always a free and undeserved gift that comes into our lives. Each human friendship is in fact an image and participation of the great Friendship that God is in Himself and desires to establish with us. Therefore, just as we often find ourselves contemplating God's undeserved and unexpected love for us, so too should we find the love of our friends equally mysterious and fascinating. For, in both cases, what we have is always a secret and unexpected gift.
- ...turns evil to great good...
And here we come to what is perhaps the greatest mystery that every true friendship brings: the ability to transform the evil we are experiencing into a good greater than we could ever have imagined or hoped for (cf. Eph 3:20).
Does this mean that friendship can solve all our problems? Certainly not, and if we look at Frodo's situation when he utters these words we have just such confirmation. The hobbit is indeed about to enter the most dangerous part of his quest and Faramir himself says that he does not hope to see him again under this Sun.
In human as well as divine friendship, the point is not the sudden relief from all our troubles or the imminent presence of death. Instead, it hinges on the profound value inherent in accepting and reciprocating the gift of love, providing such immense joy that it suffices to render this life beautiful and meaningful. It does not matter if we must embark on a journey to the ominous land of Mordor and face demise on Mount Doom if such adversity has allowed us to discover the love of a true friend. This is precisely why Jesus did not shy away from the agony of the cross, and neither did all the martyrs who followed Him until today.
Those who have encountered this love also carry the conviction in their hearts that, in the end, it will be this love — and not our deaths —to ultimately determine the destiny of the universe. Therefore, let us acknowledge that anything enabling us to understand and embrace this Love - here and now - is always worthwhile.
Let us all seek and welcome any new friendship that can bring us closer to the One who is the Friend of us all.