Are Single Laypeople Called to a Greater Purpose?
From Resignation to Fulfillment
Just recently, I delved into the new booklet penned by the English Dominican friar, Fr. Nicholas Crowe OP, exploring the theme of vocation: "Living Your Vocation – Even if You Don't Know What It Is Yet." Beyond Fr. Nicholas's engaging language and his talent for concise expression (it took me just an afternoon to read it), what stood out was the dedication of a few pages to the often-overlooked vocation of certain members of the Church.
I'm referring to all those single laypeople, men and women of all ages, who, not being married and lacking a specific consecration as religious, frequently find themselves left out of vocational discourse. I've heard the heartfelt laments of single faithful on numerous occasions, feeling excluded from the grace of vocation when prayers often mention only these three specific states of life: marriage, priesthood, and religious life.
Yet, upon reflection, aren't many single faithful performing indispensable work in our ecclesial communities and society at large? Perhaps, indeed, there is a vocation for them, and many are already living it!
Vocation vs. Secondary States
First, let's draw a crucial distinction between vocation and secondary states. The Christian vocation as the condition of all baptized is often wrongly equated with the specific (or secondary) states in which this vocation is realized. Reducing "vocation" to the calling of some young people to become priests is, to say the least, limiting!
Fr. Nicholas enlightens us on the essence of baptismal vocation by recounting a childhood episode. At the annual parish fair, children were encouraged to gift their parents something they could buy at the fair, though both the products and money were provided by the parents. Metaphorically, Fr. Nicholas wants us to perceive Christian life as an existence where everything is a gift from God. We are called to reciprocate by making our lives a gift, knowing we cannot give Him anything we haven't received.
In the words of St. Thomas Aquinas, God calls us to live in friendship with Him. Christian vocation, the fundamental call of every human being, is to live in friendship with God. This applies not only to those called to specific forms of life in the Church. Just for this reason, we can affirm that even single laypeople undoubtedly have a vocation – the baptismal vocation to friendship with God shared by each and all of us.
Single (Not) by Choice
Despite establishing this fundamental point about vocation, there remains often a sense of incompleteness in the condition of single laypeople. Certainly, there are those who choose to remain celibate without embracing any official form of consecration. Given the high regard celibacy holds in Christianity, there should be little doubt about the goodness of this way of life.
The complexity arises when considering those who may have longed for marriage without finding the right person or who unsuccessfully attempted to discern a call to a specific form of consecration. Does a person in this condition at a certain age perhaps should feel they've erred in everything in life? Were they called to marriage and they didn’t manage to find the right person? Were they called to some form of consecration and they closed their heart to God’s voice? Are they, then, destined to live an incomplete life, always fearing they have missed everything and failed in the vocation to which God had destined them? The answer is a resounding no. God does not destine anyone to perpetual unhappiness.
Fr. Nicholas quotes another book dedicated to this theme: "Single for a Greater Purpose - A Hidden Joy in the Catholic Church" by Luanne D. Zurio, a faithful single laywoman who asserts that this kind of questions about whether God wanted or allowed a person to remain single aren't necessarily helpful. Life is complex and often beyond our control. While we may sometimes fail to understand God's call and miss important opportunities, lifelong guilt is not the solution. As I said, God does not destine anyone to eternal unhappiness. Whatever our circumstances may be, it is never too late to start doing God’s will and live in friendship with Him!
Lay, Single... and Happy!
However, it's not just about accepting circumstances and continuing to live as a good disciple. Zurio suggests that there may be intrinsic value in the condition of being a single layperson. In other words, it can be a true vocation!
I've already highlighted how many single laypeople are already essential in various aspects of the Church's life. I agree with Zurio in seeing in the life state of many single faithful a sign of the times and a great resource for the Church. For instance, Zurio describes how these laypeople often contribute more in missionary terms than members of the clergy who may face greater prejudices from society or struggle to understand the needs of today’s people.
Rather than resigning ourselves merely to circumstances, we should learn to see and help others see the inherent value of this state of life in the Church, which, like the life of every other baptized person, can be extremely fruitful and happy. As Zurio wisely puts it: 'Instead of focusing on what we lack – a human spouse or a religious vocation – we'd be better served focusing on the extraordinary opportunity we've been given'.
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